22 ωαуš тσ αииσу єяαğσи :
by LeFrenchMartini
Summary: Find yourself Poking fun at all the little things Characters do? Not the only one! Some of the things Id probably do if I was ever so bored to have to stick a rusty fork in my eye. How to Annoy Characters From Eragon. Some Side Effects may Occur.
1. ωαуš тσ αииσу єяαğσи :

22 ωαуš тσ αииσу єяαğσи ; ♥;

.1 Tell Eragon to go lick a Llama.

.2 When he asked why, tell him that it will help him communicate better with Saphira (its an animal thing)

.3 When hes trying to meditate, read a book and turn the pages loudly near him that way he hears evveerrrryy singleeee tearing noise.

.4 When he winces at the interruption tell him that you are going to tell Arya that he isnt doing very good and that she should appoint him to another mentor (perferrably a male)

.5 Make a high pitched beeping noise each time Eragon and Murtagh speak

.6 When Murtagh asks, say its a gay meter and that you think Eragon is gay.

.7 When Eragon asks, say its a gay meter and that you think Mutagh is gay.

.8 They both snicker, yet wonder why eachother is laughing.

.9 Invite Arya to a dinner sometime yet dont tell her shes invited.

.10 Kill a frog and rub its blood all over youre new shirt.

.11 Pop out of the bushes while Eragon and Murtagh are preparing the dinner and say, "sorry, Arya was in labour, what did I miss?"

.12 At the shocked look on Eragons face, reply, "oh, dont worry, youre not the father."

.13 Print out pictures of Eragon, kiss then gingerly infront of him.

.12 When he smiles, lit a cigarette.

.13 When he asks you "since when do you smoke," say "I dont." Then burn the eyes out of the pictures.

.14 When Eragon talks, keep responding like you are listen using wors like "uhuh, yeah...yes..." yet hold out your hand like youre pressing a button on and invisible remote.

.15 When he doesnt notice (hint, hes ignoring you...) repeat "mute...mute...mute. ITS NOT WORKING!" then fling the invisble thing to the ground.

.16 Sing "its raining men, alleluiah," at the top of youre lungs but everytime you see Eragon, stop. when he walks away, sing again.

.17 Print a picture of Eragon out. sit infront of Eragon, take out a pen and calmly start scirbbling at the top, when he asks what youre doing, reply, "nothing.." make youre writing get furious, "..just.." rip the paper wih the pen, "remember something you said to me." Look up and glare.

.18 Randomly go up to Rragon and ask him, "Eragon, can I be invisible?"

.19 Keep pestering with questions like "can I really be invsible..really?" until he says, "You can if you try hard enough."

.19 Even though Saphira is not talking to you, make it seem like she is by looking at her, look at Eragon, smirk and outloud say, "I bet he does."

.20 Eragons asks "what do I have?" scream "I THOUGHT YOU SAID I WAS INVISIBLE!?"

.21 Scream, without letting them put a word in, stand up, sob, "uhhuhuhuhu! everyone hates me, I NEED CHOCOLATE!"

.22 Stop momentarily, make a high pitched beeping noise and stare, eyes wide open.

.23 Both men start laughing but stop hesitantly and look at eachother. neither has stopped to ask why the other is laughing...theyre catching on...

* * *

**Okay, First, before this starts, I just wanted to let EVERYONE know, that I love Eragon to death. Just because Im making fun of the characters doesnt mean I hate them so dont get the wrong idea. All the things on this list are mine. I made everything up while sitting at my computer. It took alot of work, but I did it. By vote; which of these will you like to hear next? **_MURTAGH, ARYA OR SAPHIRA?_ _Hey_! **Something just came to me...why dont you _show_ me how much my hard work paid of and press that pretty little purple button at the bottom of this page? Common, show me how easy it is! I know you want to...**

& Shayy ;


	2. ωαуѕ тσ αηησу мυятαgн :

23 ωαуѕ тσ αииσу мυятαgн ; ♥; A little Extra Added On

.1 follow him when he goes to take a bath in a pool of water. when he goes underwater, head and all, sit and wait until he comes back up. when he surfaces and acts surprised to see you, whip out a bottle of green shampoo and start rubbing in the suds into his scalp.

.2 hum the Eragon theme as you do.

.3 stick youre finger in youre ear, jiggle it around, seem annoyed. grab Murtaghs za'roc from his hilt, hearing the metal on metal sound, use as q-tip.

.4 when he asks "what are you doing?" say "well, you werent going to use it anyways, I figured I could put it to good use."

.5 Ask him repeatedly what he is allergic to. keep pestering until he gives you a random answer of "corn" to get you to go away. (Works with any other food)

.6 ask to cook dinner that night. smile gingerly as you serve the corn. (What hes allergic to)

.7 pay a fangirl 10$ to go up to Murtagh, ask for a autograph then eat it.

.8 pause for affect and then have her say with a mouth full of paper, "you touched it, youre worthy."

.9 carry around a blank peice of paper attatched to a clip board. go around to every except murtagh.

.10 finally go to him. seem uninterested even though he seems excited to finally be let in on the secrecy. read off the paper "hi, im doing a survery. can i ask you a few questions-thanks-which do you think murtagh will fall to death by? a. death by stuffed animals. b. death by stupidity c. honourable death (roll youre eyes at this one)

.11 when he tells you "im Murtagh..." seem oblivious to the fact and reply, offended, "SIR, are you trying to BRIBE me?!"

.12 convince Arya that she needs a little girl to girl time with you, and to show how much of good friend you two are, that you agree to give her a massage.

.13 lie her down on her back.and tell her its you and her here so she should feel comfortable and take off her clothes.

.14 when she does, tell her that you just need to get some oils.

.15 innoncently walk out the tent and point behind you saying to Murtagh, "umm, I dont know whats wrong with Arya but she wanted me to tell you to get youre greasy bum in there and give her a massage."

.16 wait just the moment as Murtagh walks through the tent flap, take a picture.

.17 now you have a sort of get out of jail free card, you are untouchable.

.18 just to test it out, teach thorn the catcy tune of "dont you think youre girlfriend was hot like me?"

.19 when Murtagh approaches you, asking why he shouldnt tell Eragon youre being a pain in the rear, flash youre biggest smile and the picture. Nod.

.20 Ask him to see him scar, and exclaim, " wow murtagh, you are VERY bad at shaving..."

.21 lean closely, even though hes struggling to get up. say "wait, I think I see something..youre future in youre scar," continue to pretend like youre reading tea leaves at the bottom of a cup, "it says...something..._'you...are..an...idiot_.'"

.22 pat his back with a slap oblivious to the fact that he is in pain and exclaim, "well, that explains everything."

.23 well he starts lecturing you about the fact of how he actually got the scar and how horrifying it was, make a loud beeping noise.

* * *

**The Queen of Mary Sues herself is next. Tune in next time. Review away :) I like hearing when people tell me things like, "I laughed so hard at that part," Or "This is my favourite line." Its inspiring. So if you havea favourite part, dont be afraid to share ;). Thanks for the reviews!**

& Shayy ;


	3. ωαуѕ тσ αηησу αяуα :

21 ωαуѕ тσ αηησу αяуα ;

1. When Arya complains of having too many wrinkles, ask her "how much would you do to have them gone?"

2. When she replies "anything" take her to a room where its you and her and no mirrors.

3. Tell her to close her eyes and start ripping duct tape, when she asks you what that strange ripping noise is tell her that its a new package from Korea and it works excellent.

4. pull her skin back and tape it with duct tape so her features are stretched out. tell her to open her eyes but she cant touch her face because the material is very delicate and may harm her elven hands.

5. ask her "can you feel the difference? dont you feel young again?"

6. tell her she should celebrate and go to a pub. push her into the door filled with rowdy men.

7. when the crowd hushes down, tell her "wow, look at the effect it had on THOSE men!"

8. Run. Now. huffing and puffing to Arya, telling her, fake sobbing that you lost youre cat "Jhonny." ask her to help find him.

9. tell her that he only comes when someone with a sweet and caring voice calls (throw up later)

10. tell her you need to go get some snacks maybe that will help lure him. remind her to keep calling for he might come when shes gone. leave Arya calling.

11. qeuitly drag Eragon along, out of sight and point out that you think Arya had 'split personalities' and point a finger at the crouching Arya, calling out in a high pitched voice "come here jhonny. jhonny, where are you. come, come jhonny."

12. go up to Arya and tell her that you infact dont have a cat named jhonny, you were mistaken. you were listening to some jay-z and he said "hosa" and you started thinking of how in spanish the 'j' sounds like an 'h' and yu automatically thought of jhonny. (Even though this has nothing to do with it and completely pointless)

13. when she asks "what?" stand perfectly still, suck youre breath in and say, 'oohh, I think youre eyebrows are lopsided, Eragon deffinately noticed THAT."

14. smile politely and say, "dont worry, youre personality made up for that...oh wait, you dont have one of those either."

15. look her straight in the eye and make a loud beep noise.

16. act surprised when Murtagh comes out of the bushes chuckling.

17. act a litle TOO surprised and accidently (wink) run past Arya, ripping her left shoulder on her shirt, reavealing her red bra.

18. run. horse trot to Eragon, innocently tell him that murtagh asked for him. point behind you.

19. run farther.

20. turn around, take a camera, take a picture of the three bodies. send to Gallbatorix.

21. Galbatorix shakes his head, looking at the picture. "what have I gotten myself into?" He replies.

* * *

**Saphira is next! I love her to death, shes an amazing dragon, not like any other but she has to come to the same faith as all the rest of the characters. Once again, I dont really mean anything I say. ilyy so much! thanks for reviewing & all the nice comments. Dont forget R & R.**

яєνιєω яєρℓιєѕ : Some of my favourite reviews.

MythicalCreature; CHYEAHHH!!  
ily so much ahah :)  
That line took me a good few seconds to make because I had to look back & see if that actually made sense.

Sukie-san; haha thanks :) Glad to know that my random sentences makes people laugh ;) .

Jedi Master Evenstar; Im just replying to this one here becuase I know that a few people will ask this. Where did I get the weird font? its a link on google : http://members.chello.nl/m.vandeven11/omvormunicode.html

Teros; Thanks for the joke. Even though it kinda sort slipped out --'

Skyflyer81310; See, wasnt so hard :) Glad you liked my lines ahaha.

Christine Wilkes ; Haha, yeah, I know that this one was a little racy but I thought Id try it. I knew from experience that alot of people make fun of the little umm how do you say Arya/Eragon pairing? Yeah, thats it. So it came naturally.


	4. ωαуѕ тσ αηησу ѕαρнιяα :

ωαуѕ тσ αηησу ѕαρнιяα ;

1. Ask her is shes into the ugly stuff.

2. When she asks "what?" respond with another question "I mean, dont you even regret having to wake up to a poor farm boy everyday or youre life? He cant even support you..."

3. Offer to give her a bath. When she asks 'does she stink' reply 'no' to her face but then youre head while Eragon is watching and make a disgusted face.

4. Instead of just taking a dip in a pond like Saphira had thought, take out a hose, insist that this will "only take a minute" accidently switch the nozzle to high pressure, stand infront of her. aim for her forehead, spray.

5. Act oblivious as her scales start to peel of with the pressure.

6. Turn off, smile and say "done." ignore the dirty look shes giving (if dragons can do that)

7. look shocked, peering at her now scale less and white head. comment, "So thats what youll like when you get old!"

8. run.

9. Tell her that if she catches her tail in her mouth, shell get a cookie. watch for a few moments as she spins trying t o snap at it. say, "lemme know if you succeed." walk away.

10. lead Eragon to her, out of view and say, "I think Saphira is bipolar." point a finger as she snaps at thin air.

11. tell Thorn and Saphira that you would like a picture. place them close together. snap.

12. with the woners of photoshop, add in a lacy bikini to both dragons.

13. Show to Murtagh and Eragon and tisk saying, "do you even know where youre dragons are at 1 oclock in the morning?!" throw in fluffy pink robe (otherwise known as the 'wheres my baby' worried robe mothers wear when their kids havent shown up from a date), slippers and curlers.

14. make the connection between your and Saphiras mind strong. scream at the top of youre lungs inside youre head.

15. point out to Eragon that you think saphira got into his 'stash', watch silently shaking youre head as Saphira rears and bucks.

16. Ask Saphira reapeatedly if she thinks she was adopted.

17. When she asks "why do you imply that?" say, "well..you were abandoned." strain out every detail possible.

18. offer to give her her next bath when Eragon implies that she in getting a bit unclean.

19. look seductively from Eragon to Saphira and nod youre head. when they ask, reply slowly, "ohhhhh, I know whats going on here!"

20. act like a little child and show up beside Saphira holding a picture of her. ask if you can hae some of her scales to make as a sortof of realismn in fantasy sort of thing. bring a fork.

21. When she says no, whimpered and start stabbing the picture randomly with the fork.

22. Have Eragon scare Saphira (dont tell him duh) by telling him Saphira might have fleas and to check by pinching each a everyone of her scales. "a fork might be necessary"

* * *

**ѕσмє σƒ му яєνιєω яєρℓιєѕ ;**

MythicalCreature**: Ahaha, thats another one for the Arya haters. I mean, Im not sure, but I dont havea problem with Arya. As long as she doesnt cause Eragon any more pain than he already is in and does not make a move on Eragon or anything. Its all good. -Thumbs Up- Eragon should be inlove with a character his own age. Not some like 300 year woman LMFAO. But thanks, that review made me feel so good. I just threw in Galbatorix for fun. hes funny. Saphira is coming up next so tune in. So tune in (Sounds so corny..) --' But oh well.. THANKS :) -HEART-**

Remember The Darkness: **Haha yeah, I guess that now arya actually has something to fear, it DOES mean that she is unsueish. But, that doesnt mean we cant stil pick on her ;)  
Shell always be a sue deep down inside.  
Saphira is next, so hold on :)**

Teros: **Aww, thanks ilu!  
That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said ahah!  
thanks again omg.  
But, yeah wow, thanks (thats 3 times now..) for catching that mistake. it sows youre reading & observant.**

Sukie-San: **haha, I didnt want to annoy people with like those obsession stories because someone told me the relationship things are getting tirying.  
but thanks for giving me that litle peice of advice.**

Snowfur: **im glad I kept you laughing.  
:)  
thats what I intended it to do.**

Juliard III: **hehe:)  
**

**GOT MY FIRST FLAME..OH YAY!**

SmokingCitySky: **Hmm, makes you sick eh?  
So then why did you read it?  
I would have remberbed asking a jerk like you to read my stories.  
Oh and wow, do you think youre all cute and shit blocking out youre words with little stars? I remember when I did that, oh yeah I was 11. So how old are you then, you certainly cant be older than me, you arent mature enough.  
Oh haha, I KNOW why youre flaming people, trying to be all smart writing in youre profile saying 'This wont affect your flame blah blah,' well you know what, I WILL send you a pm, I dont care...  
Youre just flaming people to get views to youre so stupid forum blah.  
You really do have no life.  
& those so called fans or whatever who support youre little flaming frenzy also have no life.  
I mean how nice is it to open up youre inbox and see a total hate, nothing good to come of letter. real exciting right?  
Someone should do it to you.  
Oh yeah, I would LOVE to see youre reply to this.  
Maybe make youreself feel better by correcting my grammer you freak.**


	5. ωαуѕ тσ αииσу ∂υяzα :

22 ωαуѕ тσ αηησу ∂υяzα ;

.1 Hold a bottle of Visine in your fists, hand it to Durza but hold for a moment, stroke wrist and at Confused look, mutter, "Shh, Shh, Durzie its okay. it takes the red out."

.2 deck yourself out in bling and walk around announcing Durzas presence by yelling, "DURZIZZLE IN THE HIZZ HOUSE!"

.3 Tell him standing during the rain during a thunder storm is required for evil geniuses.

.4 Apologize by agreeing to give him a facial scrub.

.5 As youre doing so, mutter phrases like, "You know, I was being sarcastic, but what am I good for around here...nothing. His skin is putrid, gosh, take a bath once in awhile?" or "when he closes his eyes...when he closes his eyes..."

.6 When he _does_ blink, say, "One more time..."

.7 When Durza walks into the room, even though no one is talking to you, pretend like someone was just finishing a conversation with you and say, "Sometimes I feel like just holding the pillow down, then stabbing it just to make sure."

.8 Look at him and smile, say, "Oh hi Durza, we were just talking about you. No..nothing bad, why do you ask?" This should scar him for awhile.

.9 Find a prerecorded video of when the notorious Eragon shot Durza in the head. Replay it over and over again when Durza is present.

.10 Wince and take a sharp intake of breath, "Ouch, you must have had a headache for weeks!"

.11 Ask him what happened between him and Arya in the dungeon.

.12 When he doesnt answer, smile and nod saying, "ha, Ive been there done that."

.13 When he replies, "yeah," nodding his head. and asks "You kidnapped..etc..someone as well?" Then smirk and say, "I was talking about playing hide and seek." (Or something totally erelevant, the point is he confessed.

.14 When he gets angry smile and say "its a little thing Id like to call 'Reverse psychology'.

.15 Everytime you see him scream and put on sunglasses.

.16 Sigh and say, "Ahh, thats better."

.17 Repeatedly ask him if he ever had a girlfriend.

.18 If he _does_ say yes, look around and whisper, "invisible people dont count."

.19 When he asks "what?" make a loud beeping noise.

.20 Set the Ra'Zac and Durza up for a session because they need to 'work on their relationship'.

.21 Everytime Durza tries to think of an evil plan coax him in a tiny immature voice and sing, "you cant do it all by youreself."

.22 Follow him to the washroom, everytime he comes out sing, "Im a big kid now."

* * *

ѕσмє яєνιєω яєρℓιєѕ ; 

psychodramabeautyfish: **Ha! I personally like the ways I annoy Murtaghs as well :) Im glad you liked it! Random is how I roll .**

Eragonpeep: **hehe Thanks!  
I guess its a good thing that yoou cant decide which one is the best right?**  
&

**Whooo! A favourite line a aha. Personally thats my favourite, I just thtought so many times how people want to see his scar, I just added that little bit in ;)**

& (This chick is officially my favourite review ahah! No offense to others)

**I didnt think people would get this one, but thanks for proving me wrong :).**

Anonymouse Reviewer: **Thanks! That means so much to me lol. The first sentence...wow, I accomplished alot them ;) im trying to do Durza next. But right after, I need to know who else to do. Got any ideas?**

Kat75643: **Haha, what do you mean teh dragon scales worked?  
In the story?  
Umm Durza is next.  
Got any requests for characters:)**

PurpleDucki88: **hahah! I guess I accomplished alot then eh,  
making you laugh every chapter :)  
Next is Durza, but do you have any other requests?**

skyflyer81310: **LOl I would ask you,  
do you have any requests?  
But to answer youre question, I am planning to do Durza.**

Snowfur: **OHHH! Gladyou likedittt :)  
Haha, Oh thats such a good one Galbatorix!  
I shall try.  
Thank you though!**

Ladyasile: **im glad you liked it but sadly I got my first flame. Btu it doesnt bother me because the person does it for fun & for the responce & plus out of ALL my reviewers only one didnt like it..  
that isnt enough to bring me down ;)**

**Things like this usually come to me, wheter I scream it out in class or I just dream about it. im actually a pretty weird & funny person ;)**


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